Solitaire

Finishing last years season with a first at Pembrey hunter trials (90cm), winning special prize (SPH Massiv = best geriatric team) in the Cotswolds Intermediate Team chase (5′ hedges) and going clear at BE Arena Eventing (90cm) for 5th place at Beacons gave me huge confidence in the partnership I have with Frank, particularly with cross country fences and I am hoping we have put his fear of ditches finally to bed.

The year ended with a chase me charlie competition at Ynys Y Mond Equestrian centre, on 30 December 2017 and practice for this involved me trying to find the courage one cold and snowy boxing day afternoon to play solitaire chase me charlie. Constant getting on and off again to put the jump up another hole when every cell in my body was screaming ‘nooooooooo’ required some faith in Frank – and in myself. Surprisingly, for a huge yard, there was no one around… most sane people were inside, by fires, stuffed full of food and drink watching the telly. It was a dull and grey old day, the winter sky had come down to meet the Bryn and was rolling down towards the school full of snow and wind and it was fooking freezing. I was wrapped up michelin stylee and felt much too restricted for this jumping mullarky. Christa Dillon wrote something yesterday (https://thehorseymum.wordpress.com/2018/02/20ups-and-downs-literally/) about being your own cheerleader and I can identify with that. It’s hard to be your own coach, especially when what you are trying to achieve might be a bit scary. It would be easy to pike out as there’s no one watching, no one to impress, no photographer, no evidence of achievement, no Mr Motivator. I did actually spot someone on the yard and called them over. They weren’t happy. A reluctant spectator is better than none I figured and anyway it wouldn’t be for long. ‘Please would you just watch me?’ ‘I’m trying to break my neck here and I’d like a witness.’ My friends husband was waiting in the car, engine running and she looked frozen… I jumped 1.35… looked around but my audience had gone. I got off, again, put the jump up another couple of holes and removed a coat. Got back on and as I prepared for the jump I remembered to breathe out slowly, relax. As I turned the corner I looked at the jump then quickly looked away. I have an earworm for these situations and atm its Eminem.. “Lose yourself… in the music, the moment … you own it …. you only get one shot … do not miss your chance to blow… this opportunity…”

The rhythm is just right, the beat is spot on and the words give me courage… Anyway, I jumped 1.40 that afternoon and left the jump up as a reminder. Reflecting on this, I realised I don’t actually need an audience – in fact you can guarantee as soon as someone gets the camera out I fuck up. Like Christa, I often work alone, train alone, compete alone – we are our own spectators, we are our own protectors and we doin just fine. High virtual five Christa – high five

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